It's been ages, I'm back! :D ..... from a hiatus that I never officially declared.

I may be wrong, but somehow, perhaps with facebook, the blog fever seems to have died down considerably. Either everyone's spending too much time on facebook, if not, using the notes on facebook and tagging others just to share thoughts, with the specific people that they want.


I just wish there would be some certainty about where, and more importantly, WHEN, I'm going for university. Without that, I can't even go about looking for a job. I'm glad I never really told many people about my university prospects. Over the past two years it's changed so much. Just when things seemed to be reaching a finality (Is there such a word? Two years of NS has greatly reduced my vocabulary.), it seems like there could yet be another change..

It's a combination of bad luck, and I guess, perhaps I'm always looking for better... (as do many people in the world..)

Hopefully good news comes back soon. :D

I've been pretty happy these few weekends, I really hope this will go on. :D

I guess I do hope that some outings do happen more often, although I think it's pretty unrealistic. But then, if there's really a class dinner again next week, that's quite good too.

I've been very thankful for the company I've had the past 2 weekends. It could be the individual people, it could be the group as a whole. I don't really know, but I'm just glad they happened. And so, thank you. :)


The next time I update could be in the year 2010, and perhaps not here too. This is my first blog that lasted way more than one year. LOL. 3 years to be exact. But I haven't decided if I want to change. Maybe not yet, maybe next year.

I want life to slow down, life to be less packed. If the next week continues to be like the previous two, I think I'll just get sick of it within the next.

I want the pace to slow down, for I can't think straight any more. I want the truths, I want the answers. I don't want to keep chasing for the same thing. I don't understand too much. I still wish, because there's too much room for wondering.

Eternal regret.


Thanks for yesterday, whoever I was with.

Life is so miserable when:

On Mondays to Fridays you just keep thinking of stuff within NS that make you unhappy.
On Saturdays and Sundays you just keep thinking of stuff outside of NS that make you unhappy.

And actually, the former barely has any impact at all. It's the latter that is so dreadful and irritating.

I'm tired. :S

RAH. I just don't understand how the impact is so great on me.

._.

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What's the point of reminiscing when all it does is make one yearn for the past, when it's so obviously unattainable ever again? More often than not, most become unhappy, keep hoping for the past etc etc.

Is there anyway to just keep looking forward, without laying any expectations because of past events? Inevitably I guess there'll be some expectations in one way or another, but at least not too much?

I guess perhaps that's why I want to shut off my past from myself. Or maybe I've got more reason than that.

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Why is it so difficult to have interpersonal interactions between individuals? Or rather, why is it so difficult to even generate the opportunity for such interactions? I reckon this is actually the best possible scenario, but then, why does it so rarely happen?

也許是我一意孤行,還是這貞的就是現實?

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Life's getting tougher. I can feel this 3 months being hell, for myself.

Show me the light, show me the path, for I see nothing ahead of me.

No hope, no love, no glory, no happy ending.

Isn't a blog about your projected image to others? What's the point of a blog then?

And then, what's the point of a private blog, if it's hidden from view to everyone?

But yet, what's the point of writing a diary/journal, if all it does is set you thinking, and occasionally, thinking too much?


I don't really know why I blog nowadays. So I can't answer the 3 questions above either. ._.

I can't believe I planned to run, swim, go out today. I've been so tired all I did the whole day was plop on my bed and sleep. o.O And the funniest thing is, I don't know why I'm so tired. Besides swimming, I didn't do anything else but read books the entire week.

HM. Though I wonder, should I go out now? Sigh. I need FOOD. xP

HMM. It's odd how despite having just one night out, I don't feel sian or what. Funny how my feelings never seem to be predictable. But still, it's a good thing that I don't feel sian.

我得懂得知足. 懂得知足,自然而然也會較容易快樂. 盼望奇跡發生,一點也不實際,也總會失望.

只希望我不再去想. 把從前,忘記了.

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty happy about life now I guess. Some things still keep getting on my nerves, but hey, NS is still pretty much get through-able. Treating it like a job seems to have an effect.

I think I'm lazy to consolidate my thoughts, shall stop now.

After you've spent the whole weekend trying to enjoy yourself (and enjoyed yourself), keeping your mind away from the only thing that really gets to you, you would have hoped to feel better at this point in time.

But it just sucks to realise that at the end of the day, end of the weekend, end of (insert random time frame), that I simply still think of, still miss someone. :/

I'm TRYING to move on. But trying doesn't mean anything. I wish it did, but it doesn't. :(

I'm very sick of this emotional torment. ><


Help..

I haven't been very happy since I came back from Brunei.

I'm physically tired. But I can't see the rest I need coming. Would be good if I could take 1 day off this coming Friday. Then after that it's 11 days straight; that's going to be another exhausting stretch till the 27th. December better be better.

I'm becoming rather dissatisfied with my weekends once again. It becomes so miserable when things don't turn out the way they should. :( Last weekend was bad enough, having only Saturday, and then this weekend I felt like there was nothing much after SATs yesterday. Today was entirely burnt away by stoning/sleeping, for I'm so tired.

I'm stuck at this point where I must carefully decide whether I should be going out or resting. If I go out, I'll feel happier, but more tired. If I sleep, I get a little more rest, but I feel more miserable. And I don't know which I want.

I'm so uncertain about everything now.


And some things just keep me so preoccupied even up till now.

Back after a pretty tiring week..

Guard Comm on Monday, walking 32km with the men on Tuesday, reaching back camp only at close to 7pm on Wednesday, parade rehearsals and then parade on Thursday and Friday. Then I'm serving my extra tomorrow. x_x

I must realise I still have 3 more days of leave to clear over 2 months though. Must plan those 3 days well. Or even 6 half days.

I find that I'm starting to treat NS less and less of an obligation, but more of a job. I guess that mentality does have a certain impact. I become more focused on doing a good job, and that's pretty much all I want. I'm happy to be with the company in general, no matter how much life sucks thus far. THOUGH, things like being guard comm feels damn sian. Outfield is nothing much, I muchly prefer outfield than staying in camp. The only things I probably only really dread about being a spec is really being guard comm, and the occasional overwhelm of responsibilities.

It's only one more year to go, and I really believe that isn't hard to get by. Each week is only 5 days, and at the end of the 5 days, it's another 2 day break. Only when we're being confined for a weekend does it feel much more draggy.

Kay shall go do something else already. Spent 9 minutes on this post. Nice :P